Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Random Acts of Sadness

our very first picture together
there is a story i know about a boy and a girl who were walking along the street with their dogs one day, saw each other, and promptly fell madly in love.  but they couldn't see eye-to-eye on anything beyond the love they had for one another.

the more time went on, the more they fell in love.  the more they fell in love, the more they bickered...and it wasn't in that cute "old couple bickering" kind of way at all.   and it made them both very sad.  so, after four years and a cat and trips halfway around the world and family members getting married and giving birth and deaths and an apartment and a billion different memories, they decided to go their separate ways.

in case you haven't figured it out yet, this is andrew's and my story. 

i don't tell you this story as a plea for pity or compassion, but as our family and friends were very much involved in every step of our relationship, i wanted you to know.  break-ups are hard enough without reliving the heartache every time someone asks the innocent question, "where's andrew?"

sometimes things that we want to be just aren't.  time has a way of pushing us onto a path we don't recognize at times when we're not prepared.  but if we don't keep trudging ahead, we'll get lost in the dark.  we can drive ourselves crazy with the "why?" and "what if?" of it all we want, but that doesn't stop reality from taking its course.  this is the lesson i'm learning from all this sadness, anyway.

only time will tell what's next for andrew and me as we start the rest of our journey separately, now as friends instead of lovers.  i just need to trust that what should be, will be.

in the meantime, i will always be thankful to andrew for his love, all the laughter, all the good times, and for the opportunity i had to fall in love with such a caring, good man.

i'm sure in the years ahead i'll even be thankful for the bad times as well, for everything those moments taught me about myself.  my life has become infinitely more meaningful because of andrew, sid, and the years we spent together.  when you love someone, a part of them - the best part - really does stay with you forever.  that's just part of what love is, i guess.

meanwhile, there's this song, which i will be playing on repeat for the next few months:

(devotchka's "you love me" on the album "how it ends")


  1. Hi Sweet Girl. I'm so sorry to hear about this, even though I never got to meet Andrew. You have such an amazing family and sister to support you. Know that your distant cousin is sending you love and healing support for a broken heart. You are beautiful, joyful, and graceful, even in your sadness.
    xoxo Cousin Chris

    1. Thank you so much, Chris! I am definitely very grateful to all the support I have from family and friends. I am very lucky indeed. And Andrew and I will still remain friends, which I think is the luckiest thing of all.

  2. The Song Doesn't come Up When I Click On Tne Link, It Says Content Is Unavailable. Hmmmmm.

    1. That's so weird! It's working on my end...the link has a different version of the same song. Maybe it will work now?